For people who have anxiety, you know. You know that from day to day your entire perspective on life can change. Yesterday I literally felt like the roof was going to fall down on me, like my heart would give out and there was no point in moving one foot in front of the other. Today is not so bad, but my heart still nearly jumped out of my chest when I got a text from my friends.
Ironically, new friends, who don’t fully understand my anxiety yet. Some talk about their shit, some drink, some do yoga, not me. I curl deeper and deeper into myself and shut out the world. My brain needs a break to reprogram and chill out. When I spiral down a rabbit hole of bananas I get paranoid, I start thinking my friends are talking behind my back, little jokes from family or friends become digs at me and I take everything extremely personally. My friends went out the other night and didn’t invite me, I took deep offense to that! Who even am I?!
I am not that person, I don’t wish to be around people or with people who don’t want me around. But my anxiety threw me down that hole and there was no stopping me. Now I have to try to explain to my friends, without offending them, that I’m just not myself right now and hope they don’t try to tell me that it’s all in my head or that it’ll get better. Because I get tired of hearing those things.
The first few years my husband and I dated were hard, he didn’t know how to handle my anxious self. It took books and a lot of conversations, crying, and a few different counselors for us both to understand how to handle my anxiety and what causes it.
Now, almost 6 years later, instead of telling me I’ll be fine or to think more positively, he just hugged me, did the basic house chores that needed to be done, and checked in on me an appropriate amount of times. Now how to cross this bridge and actually attempt to keep friends…
Is it too early for wine? Haha.
My Exhausted Brain 